Personal Development - SPIRAL-M empowerment music

When to let go and when to use a fighting spirit

October 26, 2013October 21, 2011 by spiral-m

Letting go of a problem and fighting against a problem are 2 entirely different approaches which can be used in order to reach a desirable outcome. I have applied both and have found each to have its merits and pitfalls. In my experience there seems to be a tendency in various spiritual traditions, but also even on some personal development sites, to focus too much on one or the other as being the “right" way. Certainly a huge amount of emphasis is put on only one of the methods, which can lead to a lot of frustration on the part of the person looking for help.

It may be that letting go works 90% of the time for a particular type of mentality (e.g. overdoers), while the fighting method is great for another (e.g. apathetic types), but I certainly sense a danger of buying into just one of them without questioning the value of the other at all. This can happen when somebody has any noteworthy, positive experiences at all with one of them and assumes it can therefore be applied to all situations. Maybe this is because it is more comfortable to do so. In any case, a lack of awareness as to the integral role of each in life can lead to much frustration and eventually even a personal crisis. It is important to be open to healthy experimentation in order to find an optimal balance and try to listen to your intuition which tries to inform you when you are on the wrong track.

I have discussed the usefulness of making goals with determination then letting them go to come back to the present in "When Goals Become Obstacles" . Here I would like to look at some other issues.

One of the dangers of the fighting spirit is that it can often mean underlying arrogance. It must be understood that it is more often than not about an inner resolve to transform the self, not an attempt to change others. It should certainly be fed by compassion or determination to maintain respect for others. Let me illustrate: when a child cheerfully helps his parents with the clearing up after breakfast, then spills orange juice all over the floor in a moment of clumsiness, if his parents are loving and understanding they will try to let go of any anger they might initially feel like throwing at him, because they know that his intention was pure, i.e. to help everyone. It was simply an accident.

Similarly if you are a perfectionist at cooking and despite your efforts, the rice ends up burnt so that you are ashamed with yourself, thinking that your guests deserve better, you won't get far if you try to change the situation with anger. You need to accept that your intention was pure, and it was a completely normal part of life: you are only human. That means letting go.

Suppose you are a workaholic who gets ill through overload because you place more value in high output than in good physical health. If you try to fight the illness you will most likely make it worse with stress. Your body normally needs to rest so relaxing and letting go are essential. However, if you get angry that your tendency has expressed itself yet again, you can channel that energy into determination to find the root of that imbalance in your life and then change it. You could focus as much energy and concentration as possible on recognising that workaholic tendency as it arises, so that you can become master of it, and not it of you. You can decide that your negative voice should under no circumstances dominate you. This is the fighting spirit. It can be quite stressful when you call up your resolve, because of this inner conflict. Nonetheless, this is precisely the time to transform bad habits. Stress has a useful function as well as a destructive one: it can show you precisely what has to be done and retrospectively that you had the strength to overwhelm your weaker side.

If you tend to be lazy and apathetic, you will probably find the correctly-used fighting method surprisingly productive. It is obviously closely connected with forming discipline and getting “on top" of things. Procrastination, timidness and depression can all be appropriate candidates for this technique. It sometimes requires a surge of energy to overcome lack of action, incessant negative chatter of the mind or an absence of courage.

On the other hand, we are not designed to endure us stress continually. If you can't change a situation, let it go. Put all your quiet attention into letting go. Visualize being happy and calm and let the subconscious help find ways of becoming that state. Become the attitude and process of letting go using wakefulness.

When goals become obstacles

November 10, 2011October 21, 2011 by spiral-m

It's a common tendency to be so fixed on a goal that we lose sight of the present. If we can't experience the present, then we live in illusion because the present is all there is. Although it can be very satisfying and joyous to attain the perceived end result of goals, they are still only points in time. it doesn't make much sense thinking too much about the future, because then we miss out on all those beautiful moments that accompany our lives. We can get used to being dissatisfied with the present if we have the false belief that we are incomplete because the goal hasn't been accomplished yet. This can become a severe imbalance. Life is the path. Experience is now. Rejoice in the moment when it is at all possible. That requires letting go of the objective completely after a period of envisioning it, (perhaps requiring a spirit of vigour and energy-input) and allowing the subconscious in a universal context to take care of how to get there. We must try to avoid getting obsessed with goals.

Setting goals is like placing milestones along the road of life. Accomplished goals are good references that show us certain temporary successes are possible, or that we may have gone wrong and need to redefine what is best for us. Through working towards them we can often clearly see patterns of cause and effect. We might then be inspired to push further and more courageously, to speed up our personal growth and realise even more inner strength, as we deal with even bigger obstacles. We live in a changing, physical world in an expanding universe. Nothing is static in that sense, so we need to take decisions every day to respond to moving situations. Visions and visualising are fundamental to achieving those goals.

It is impossible to predict exactly how we will reach our goals, because there are endless possibilities in any one moment that spin out in sometimes surprising ways. That makes for an enriching life in itself. Learning is about digesting new information and aspects of wisdom. It is about entering into the unknown to grow.

In any one moment we are complete. Can we let ourselves live 100% despite whatever experience we are having now? Do we want to? How much of the lack we are experiencing have to do with low self-esteem? Can we let go of this judgement or replace it with a positive image? These questions may just reveal a lot about the inner workings of our minds.

How to develop through the art of giving

November 10, 2011October 21, 2011 by spiral-m

When we wish to give somebody something to make them happy, it is a fantastic state of life to be in. Giving can be done in many forms. It could be spending time encouraging someone, giving a material present, physically helping, donating money, writing a beautiful letter… It doesn't matter what it is, or how much. The point is do we feel liberated when we do it? The ideal to work towards is giving with a desire to make someone happy, to enrich their lives. That is liberating and can be learned. This is the type of giving that comes spontaneously out of our inner-selves. Unfortunately this is not the most frequent sensation associated with giving. In practice, because our ego constantly tries to communicate to us what we have to lose by giving, and because our materialistic culture is so much more about taking than giving, we may often find that giving is done begrudgingly, with guilt, or at best with an expectation of getting something in return. It's a natural human tendency to be fearful of self-sacrifice but in the cultural backdrop of imbalance and dominance of the ego, we are deluding ourselves to a great degree, building a fortress of needless defence. We are free to learn to give freely! The bonus is that we reap great rewards automatically as a result! By gathering experience of conscious giving, this can be understood deeply, so that our trust in life is strengthened, generally.

I don't wish this scenario to be confused with the event of real self-sacrifice where people give too much because they crave love from others. This can cause huge financial problems, exhaustion etc. and extreme negativity if it is not recognised. That is NOT what we are aiming for here! The attitude behind giving is what determines whether real value is created in the long-run. If giving freely and working towards that ideal makes you feel good, then you must be on the right track.

giving more. You may even have to learn to accept gifts, in whatever form. That might be money, time, help, things…..It could be that you are obsessed with maintaining your independence, for example.

In any case – if it were possible to feel the freedom and pleasure of giving more unconditionally, more often, that would surely be a more fulfilling, enjoyable experience. But how can we be sure such efforts don't actually lead to sacrificing yourself? The answer is simple: experiment wisely! I wouldn't want people to suddenly give away all their material possessions, money or available free time on an experimental hunch without thinking it through. However, I do believe it is important, as always, to get outside of the comfort zone. The zone of habit. Experiment with small risks and see what the results are. Discover how it makes you feel and try to sense the appreciation felt by the recipient. If you give kindness to someone, it doesn't even matter if they don't reciprocate, because you are free to create value, regardless. If that doesn't persuade you that such giving is worthwhile then consider that all kindness is received but the effects may not be visible for some time. Many individuals are unconscious still and wrapped up in their egos of fear. They need time to respond to the sigals that enter their subconscious, we need patience here.

The theory is also that if you consciously develop your art of giving value to others, you will receive benefits in many ways, not just happiness in yourself. It will also be in the form of material benefits that you may really need at one particular time, to help you with your further personal growth and empowerment. You can only judge whether that is true in your own experience with a mixture of the best objectivity possible: that means with your wisdom. Your inner sense. Your intuition.

Some benefits may not accrue until much later, but you can see with time where your life is heading. That's the beautiful thing. You don't need to analyse every single detail of new methods that you apply, instead, use your intuition which can better interpret the intricacies and interactions of cause and effect in your life.

But even in itself, feeling that sense of joy, being a share happiness with another person to whom you have given, opens up new doors in life because it makes you free.

You can try the following method in the order stated if that seems best, or throw yourself in the deep end and try the "hard" option.